Her

As I stand on this podium

And make my stance

I wanna tell you all a couple things

For this thing called chance

And how it just so happened

That I saw her on the first day

With eyes glistening with hope

And a smile to enlighten her way

I tried to initiate conversation

But she acted uninterested

Then I got her text at night

Saying sorry cause she misheard it

So we went on a little further

With each word coming closer

How she was the new kid

And how being cool was her glory

I opened up to her as well

Heaved out all my insecurities

And we promised to meet again

Tomorrow afternoon, the first story

I just couldn't sleep that night

But still wasn't tired

Like she was my adrenaline

And her sight was my desire

So we pulled up to the rendezvous

And she was standing alone

Hair tied, red cheeks

Frantically swiping on her phone

And I decide to scare her

Hoping to get a laugh

But a glimpse of her phone screen

Gave my nightmares a task

Teardrops and expletives

On what looked like a chat

As I patted her shoulder

Scaring her to death, so fast

She buried her phone in her pocket

And gave me a smile

And I smiled back acting

Like I wasn't there for a while

And we began talking life

And my fears subsided

Until the clock parted us

With a single hug, we're divided

Even I forgot everything

Like it never existed

Only that she were there

And I'd die if I missed it

And that's how days went by

Falling down like dominoes

Each afternoon we grew closer

And every second's aloft

Afternoon became evenings

Messages turned to calls

My soul was mesmerized

In this blanket of hers

Cause she was the one in many

The best there ever was

But I guess I was that too

But what I lacked was heart

I never wanted a partner

Only a companion to talk

Maybe she needed that too

Guess we were mutually caught

In this tangle of memory

But no time is ever enough

When you're embraced by the destiny

Of this bond called love

Thought I had everything

And my life was sorted

For decades down the line

But my mind was distorted

It wasn't until she ghosted me

That I felt something's wrong

Cause our balcony was empty

And my calls were just gone

Filled with rage and depression

Cursed her with perfection

But my tongue was paralyzed

Before I could utter a sentence

Tried to reason for days

Maybe that maybe this

But a week had already passed

And I couldn't just fathom it

Until that night in October

When the world slept cold

That I got a call from her

Panicking I picked up the phone

And I heard her crying silently

My heart dropped in an instant

All my rage had disappeared

Just gone in a millisecond

My words began to stutter

And my thoughts were haywire

Finally got the courage

And asked what had happened

But that just opened up wounds

That she had buried inside

So she went on a rampage

Screamed her heart out that night

That she never wanted anything

Never wanted to fight

Never wanted no trophies

Never sought no heights

And this burden of being the best

Had gotten the best of her

Cause everyone had expectations

Their disappointment was her fear

Could she ever make it

Was she destined to fail

A doubled edged sword hanging over

And the rope had turned frail

The burden she endured

For years on a daily basis

How her accomplishments were ridiculed

By ten people with ten different faces

That she wanted to end it all

The very day that we met

But I was the weakest link

In her pathway to death

And everyday that feeling grew

That her mind was conflicted

How it ate her up inside

When she couldn't make a decision

So she put her foot down

And chose the other over me

But over these past days

Her thoughts didn't relieve

So she wanted to confront us both

So she can finally rest in peace

As she told me she loved me

And then the phone call ceased

And I just sat there wondering

Wait what how when

But I came to my senses

And panic started to comprehend

Did whatever I can

Called whoever I could or couldn't

Ran from my house and drove straight

Didn't stop cause she wouldn't

Started banging on her door

And broke it down in a swift

Tears started dripping

Like the blood from her wrist

She is no more in this world

Do I even have a purpose now

Should I just let it go

And join her in the ground

But I didn't let go

Cause she wouldn't have wanted that

And hung on to my breaths

To keep her legacy intact

This leads me to today

Where I stand before you

To remind you what she stood for

Her passing wasn't out of the blue

Every day I wonder did she even exist

Or was it all in my head

Cause her never existing

Was better than the thought of her dead.

By: Arman Yusuf